


And I'm Holding On Tight To You

by lxmos_nox



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autistic Hermione Granger, Bisexual Sirius Black, Cerebral Palsy, Disability, Disabled Harry Potter, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Gay Remus Lupin, Genderfluid Nymphadora Tonks, Hard of Hearing Neville Longbottom, M/M, Pansexual Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Raise Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:48:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26668471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lxmos_nox/pseuds/lxmos_nox
Summary: Inspired by Finding Family: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by PeculiarLeah!Everything is not what it seems with the Boy Who Lived. After all, no-one truly knows what happened on the evening of Hallowe'en 1981, so, naturally, rumours ran wild throughout the entire Wizarding World. However, no-one was expecting their supposed Saviour to have a Muggle disability.
Relationships: Andromeda Black Tonks/Ted Tonks, Arthur Weasley/Molly Weasley, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 66





	And I'm Holding On Tight To You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I know I said that my Café AU was coming (and it is) BUT I started reading Finding Family: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by PeculiarLeah and I've been helping her with her version (please read that one too bc it's so good) and I just got so excited at the idea that I wanted to do my own version! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Sirius' heart was in his throat as he fell to his knees in front of the destroyed house before him. Echoes of Walburga's voice screaming 'All your fault!' flooded his ears as tears flooded his eyes and cascaded down his pale face. For the first time in eleven years, he believed his mother's words. He was the original Secret-Keeper, he was the one who convinced James and Lily to switch to Peter at the last minute, he was the reason the Dark Mark was shimmering in the dead of night in Godric's Hollow. It was his fault that he had a fear of entering the house.

But he got up. His legs weak and his wand in his hand, Sirius exhaled and walked through the front door that was still left ajar. Tentatively, almost hesitantly, he pushed the door open, and his whole world collapsed. James. Still as stone. Warm still. Eyes wide, staring blankly at the ceiling, and face set in a permanent state of determination. Square-rimmed glasses laid askew more than usual.

Dead.

Sirius had to swallow his sobs. Someone could still be here, whether it was Him or his servants, and he had to make sure there was nothing else that could be salvaged from the damage. James, his best friend, his brother, was gone. And it was his fault. Sirius exhaled again and reached out to close James' eyes, apologising softly with tears ricocheting down his face and getting caught in his voice. That was when he heard shuffling from upstairs. He froze, gripping his wand tightly.

"Lily?" he asked softly, a small glimmer of hope sparking inside of him as he stepped onto the staircase.

He turned back. James hadn't moved. But now, with his eyes closed, he just looked peaceful. Sirius felt like he could pretend he was just asleep.

The shuffling came back, and Sirius called for Lily again, a little more hopelessly this time, as he reached the top of the stairs. Why wasn't she responding? Then, he froze. The door to Harry's nursery had been blasted off its hinges, and Sirius suddenly felt sick. He'd been spending the last year wondering what kind of sick fuck wanted to kill an innocent baby and the sight before him only made him hate the fucking sadist even more.

"There yeh are, little’n. Tha's a boy, eh?"

Sirius blanched for a few seconds. Hagrid? Why was Hagrid here? Swallowing again, Sirius grasped his wand tighter and crept across the hall to the nursery, dropping the stick in his hand when he stumbled through the doorway. He didn't know where to look. Lily. She looked like James. Fear was permanently struck across her face. Tear tracks were still evident. Staring with empty eyes at the gaping hole in the wall that exposed the midnight sky to the house's patrons.

Dead.

He collapsed against the door frame and slid to the floor, ignoring the half-giant for now. How could he let this happen? How did he not notice that Peter was the spy? He'd been so jumpy and nervous for months now, and Sirius hadn't even been able to check on him before tonight since the Fidelius Charm was cast and Peter wasn't even there. When had he told Him? Did Voldemort know about the Fidelius Charm? He must have. He would've had to have known.

Sirius Black wanted to murder Peter Pettigrew.

All he saw was red. He wanted to avenge the Potters' deaths, his family's deaths. A family who never got a chance to be a family. James, Lily and… And sweet, sweet Harry. What was left of his heart shattered before him. Harry, his poor little Godson. His too-short life had been taken from him before he could even live it. Sirius broke. His sobs took over and racked his entire body as he helplessly whimpered and gasped for breaths. He refused to believe that any of it was real. It just had to be another nightmare he had of losing someone he loved in this war. Everything was just fine. He'd wake up soon. He'd be next to Moony in their bed in their small cottage on the coast of Cornwall, and James' owl would be on its self-claimed perch with a letter from him, detailing some antic Harry had got up to the previous day. James, Lily and Harry would all be alive. Peter wouldn't be the spy and Remus… Remus wouldn't be on a mission for Dumbledore with their last argument being the last memory he'd have of his husband. Please, just let him wake up.

"Sirius?" he heard Hagrid ask nervously and Sirius looked up unwillingly.

Fucking human reflexes.

But he stopped. His tears, his sobs, his trembling. It all halted because Hagrid was holding a… A living, breathing, sleeping Harry. It all froze because Harry was Alive. Sirius acted before he could think. He stood up and tore Harry away from Hagrid's grip, holding him close to his chest and starting to sob again. Harry, his Harry, was alive and Sirius knew he needed his Godfather. And Sirius knew that he needed his Godson more than anything else in those moments. If he had Harry, he wouldn't act rash and kill Pettigrew like he wanted to. Because Harry needed him and Sirius always had trouble saying 'no' to his little face.

"Summat's not righ' with him, Sirius."

Sirius looked up at the half-giant through his tears and only just realised that Harry felt differently than he usually did. He felt incredibly stiff, yet floppy at the same time. It did seem odd, but Sirius wasn't in the right state of mind to think about it. The poor kid just heard his father die and saw his mother get murdered right in front of him, it had to be just trauma-based. He'd bounce back to normal tomorrow.

"Just trauma," he mumbled, still holding Harry close to him, hiding his face in the toddler's mess of hair. "He'll be fine."

Yeah, trauma. Sirius knew first-hand that trauma did extremely odd things to one's body. He looked up again to see Hagrid holding his hands out expectantly and stared back, tears still falling down his face proudly. There was no way he was letting Harry out of his sight.

"What?" he whimpered, stepping back.

Hagrid looked at him sadly, which would've enraged Sirius if he hadn't been otherwise occupied.

"He's gotta go to Lily's sister. Dumbledore's orders."

"No, not there, not the Dursleys." he breathed, loathing the fact that he sounded twelve years old. "They'd hate him, just like they hated James and Lily. I can take care of him."

"Dumbledore said I gotta take him. He'll be fine there."

Sirius could've laughed.

"Dumbledore can shove it, quite frankly." he snapped, rocking Harry slowly as he started to whimper in his sleep. "No-one will love him more than Remus and I. Hagrid, you know that more than anyone and Lily would murder anyone who let her son stay with those Muggles."

Harry's whimpers turned into loud wails, and Sirius' shattered heart shattered even more as he shushed him gently, running his fingers through the toddler's hair, similar to how he had seen James and Lily do it to calm the small boy down. Hagrid stared at the young Black and knew he was right. He didn't know any of Lily's relatives, but he knew that Sirius loved that little boy more than life itself and it would be cruel to take the baby away from the only thing he knew.

"All righ'. I'll let Dumbledore know what's goin' on."

Sirius could've fallen to the floor, he deflated in relief so much, and it took everything he had to not pull the half-giant into a hug. Sirius wasn't sure what he would've done if Hagrid had insisted on taking Harry away. With an exchange of nods between the two men, Hagrid left and Sirius, not wanting to be around his best friends' corpses for much longer, held a still-wailing Harry close to him and ran to his motorbike.


End file.
